Writing is the hardest thing for me. It is like inviting you to look at me naked. I feel vulnerable and not good enough.

I know there are worse writers than me, I was trolling one on twitter today with the same simple amusement one pokes a jelly to watch it wobble. Still that's hardly a yardstick for achievement- less shit than someone else.
To hone my would-be craft until the thought of another person reading it didn't require me to take a Xanax and quietly cry is my ultimate goal.

In life in general, I do not require any sort of endorsement whatsoever. I truly go my own way. I have no need of fitting in other than to not make other people feel uncomfortable about themselves. Being subversive, difficult, weird, ranty, random or generally coming across like an extra in a David Lynch film is all par for the course. I tend to attract a small group of like-minded weirdos and we are all good with it.

Even drawing which, in comparison to people who can draw, I'm complete rubbish at- I will still pull out a crayon and construct you a barely passable attempt at a map/schematic/ robot prototype without thinking Oh well I'm fucked now that they have seen this!

So why writing? Why the angst?

I thought about this long and hard and came up with I DONT KNOW but this is why I write a blog in the first place.

Feel uncomfortable, do it anyway, get better. Constant improvement. If you aren't macheteing your way through life's bullshit then you will believe your own hype and die satisfied in the suburbs of some shitty city thinking you have it all.  Please no!

I'm highly unlikely to stop pushing myself to feel uncomfortable. I'm so awkward as a default setting this is really hardly a blip on the Richter scale... as you do one thing you do all things and awkward is my superpower... I don't think that is how it works but you get what I mean right?